found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
