this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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