So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
zippers are such a cool invention
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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