did you get engaged???
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
