I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize