Your mouth is God's brothel.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
