It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
