do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize