If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
