is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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