my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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