My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
