If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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