I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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