you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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