i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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