what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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