I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
