So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it was like his penis was on wheels.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
