Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize