I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
