Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Randomize
