This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I licked your asshole in confidence.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
please don't ironically join a cult
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