Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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