I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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