Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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