the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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