We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
