sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize