New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
