I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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