There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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