so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize