i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
