My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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