decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
