you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
