I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
