i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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