like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
