take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
