Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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