Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
