first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
