man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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