I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
