I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
