You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
