My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
