Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you would pick up someone in the library
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
