Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
