it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
