Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
