please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
