Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
