I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
