Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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