his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
