Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
