you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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