What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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