There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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