I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
