I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
