forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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