Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize