She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dick very happy bro
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
