I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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