Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
