can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
