A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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