What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
