please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
