I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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