Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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