I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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