i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize