Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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