Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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