i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
