I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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