Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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