I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
