wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
